A Missed Anniversary

I didn’t realize until yesterday had basically passed and I was in bed last night that yesterday, January 29, was the day that Owen was diagnosed with a Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia.

Danny wondered how I even remember these details. But, I think you’d be hard-pressed to find a CDH mom, or any other mom who has gotten such a diagnosis, who doesn’t remember the date, the time of day, the weather, the smell in the air, the feeling in her chest, the tears in her eyes and the fear in her heart on that day. The change that came on that one day, when we went from having the oblivious expectation that all babies are born healthy and everyone lives happily ever after to the heart-breaking realization that babies get sick, babies struggle and suffer and hurt and that it would be our baby. And we can’t fix it.

Monday, January 29, 2007. 11:00 in the morning. It was a cool, slightly overcast day. We had had our ultrasound and I think in our hearts both of us knew something wasn’t right. We just didn’t know what. We went into the room to talk with my dear doctor. She told us what we were hoping for and then what she feared (CDH), that she wanted us to go get some lunch (we went to Red Robin) and try to relax before heading to the high-risk OB. We made a couple of phone calls and then sat in the waiting room and waited. I had another ultra-sound and then we sat in another doctor’s office and waited some more. And then we heard what we feared. And all control was given to God, because there really was nothing we could do.

And sometimes, if God wills it, a miracles does happen. Now here I must stress, we got our miracle, we had 5 long weeks of waiting to see what kind of a fighter our little man would be, and he was amazing. He is amazing.

The neat thing to me in all of this is that in the last 6-8 months I have prayed that this experience with Owen wouldn’t be at the forefront of my mind on a daily basis. That I would take this journey for the ways it changed me and strengthened me, but ultimately to move on. And while I have spent a good deal of time thinking about it today and remembering the diagnosis day, I am remembering it the day after because, frankly, I forgot to remember it yesterday. Which to me signals some progress and maybe another little miracle.

If you want to read more about Owen’s CDH experience click here or on the Owen’s Story tab at the top of my blog.